Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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