So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
