idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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