I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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