I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize