There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
