is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
