Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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