my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
