took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
