two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
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