No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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