i just wanna soil my oats bro
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
