and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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