i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Come share oat with me in your robe
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
