I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
