I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
