I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
