does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
