moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
