I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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