Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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