I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
