Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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