I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
