Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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