I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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