the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
