i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize