if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I will pee on everything he values.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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