she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
