we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
