she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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