I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
