Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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