It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
