she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
