He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
