Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
