remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just threw up on my dentist
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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