i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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