i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Randomize
