yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
