I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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