my vag is so smooth its legendary
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
