if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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