they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize