The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
