I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
