I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
