I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize