you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
