Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
