I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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