i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
