I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
