i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
