Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
