u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
