the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
