at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
