dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
