guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
