1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
