eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
