Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
