I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
