Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
