The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
