I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i black out too much to be "responsible"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
