If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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