I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
