She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
