I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize