he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
