I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize