I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
