pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
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