dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
