Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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