Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
