life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
