My friends, they love my intelligence
Apparently you make a good broom.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
