Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
