how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize