I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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