everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
