i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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