K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
