He is an equal opportunity slut.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
