If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
