absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
