I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
