I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
