I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He passed out mid-signature
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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