im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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