I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
